Betrayal

It’s me again.

Now i, again, want to talk with you bout last night in my dorm. I actually felt so gloomy. After my boy visited me last night, few minutes after he leaved me, (I have no idea what’s in my mind) I texted my ex.

 

Don’t blame me for this situation, please.

It’s all just happened and I just can’t hold my hands to text him.

one thing i need to tell you that yesterday when I processed my pass in immigration office, i forgot to bring money in cash, and it would waste so many time if i have to go to the atm center alone by public transportation, so i texted my ex. before i texted him, he did texted me at first “could i take a bath in your dorm?” and i said “yeah, please. contact uti, because she was in my room”.

After think up bout it, i texted him “where are you? i need your helping hand”, he said “still in campus, y?” and i said “i need to go to the atm center in bukit khatulistiwa, i can’t go out for long time cause im on my queue, could you?” he said “yep, wait me at the gate of immigration office”.

 

So after waiting for him for few minutes, I’ve got his message that he already arrived in immigration office’s gate. He take me to the atm center and also take me back to the office. When i arrived to my office, someone texted me said that you should go to the immigration office right now to pay the pass fee and take a picture.

So i went back again to the immigration office, and when i arrived over there, i send a message to my boy and said that im on immigration office to take a picture. He said that he wants to accompanying me to take a picture in immigration office. after few minutes i send him a message, he arrived and take to me to have a lunch and waited me when i took a pisture and send me back to the office.

At night, he, again visited me at my dorm and we talked about his life and my life, bout my family. We went to BTP to have a dinner together, and got back to my dorm.

And here we go, the betrayal.

I feel so gloomy, like wanna vomit, and awkward to my self.

i texted my e when my b went home to his house. I said that i really need someone to talk to, uti already slept and no one here but me alone. And he said that i will come for sure. wait me at around 1 am.  He came at 1.27 am.

I feel like no need to tell you what was happened last night. Its all happened.

Is it what we called betrayal?

I feel gloomy, down, and sorry. I don’t know with whom, but i feel it for sure.

I do so sorry.

Bad-Happy Girl

Hi again,

Its me, and i will continue my story, lately.

About the accident few days ago, when my ex came to my dorm and made me felt awkward, its done.

Saturday night, he, again texted me and said that he wanna came over. Because i thought that i do, need to talk with him, bout what exactly he wants so i replayed his message “yeah, just come then”. I felt asleep while waiting him, but i awake when i heard someone knocked my door. Its him. in my dorm,  we talked about his job “is everything going well?” “yep, but i still need to distribute so many magazine, maybe at Monday”

You know, at that time, i felt like nothing ever happened between us, include the broke up. I’m happy to be next to him. Won’t be a procrastinator, I asked him “what exactly do you want from me?” he said “have no idea”,  “are you want everything going back to the first place? no relationship but keep seeing each other?” he said “yes, that’s what i want”. After keep silent for few minutes, i said “okay, lets start again like where it was”.

After get the straight way like that, i felt free. No shake again through my heart, no pain, and it made me easy to move on.

Sunday at noon, my senior who i told you before called me and again asked me for the second times “how bout your feelin’? i need your answer, you already knew my feeling upon you. Don’t say “perhaps’ and don’t hang me up”. After I explained my reason why not answer him, my consideration bout his bestfriends who also do like me few years ago, I said “i will give you the answer by message”.

“iya, iye, ok, mau “

 

So, this is my ‘few times’ new life.

 

Wish me luck, again.

Bad Girl

Remember my last post? talked about the man that I start to like, the man that I have no idea what he wants upon to me? the man who officially being my boyfriend?

Few days ago, we broke up.

The relationship just remain as 2 weeks.
It hurts, it only two weeks and I felt weird about him, it all came at sudden and I can not move or talk even an inch. Again, shit happened!

But i have to be a strong girl, haven’t I?

one day before we broke up, I did found a man who made me laugh, he is my senior. After i broke up, i told him that i’ve just broke up with my junior. So he keep text me until nowdays and I feel like he try to get closer with me. I do open my heart for anyone who wants to make me laugh and care about me.

You know, the shit is last night after visited me in my dorm and talked about his life about 4 hours in my veranda, when i tried to sleep, the face, the figure of my ex-boyfriend was came up in my mind at sudden. I felt shake and sad at once. “Why this things happened to me?  I don’t know why I should felt like this, sometimes i feel pity to myself. But on the other side, I keep push my self and keep suggest my self that I’m a strong girl. I need to feel every pain on my life, ever shake of my hands, every tears i drop, every silent i make. I need those things. So i decided to keep walking”

Today, early morning, I’ve got a text from my ex stated “still on ur dorm?” and without any consideration i texted him back “yep, y?”, and he said “wanna stop by”, “yup, please”.

When he arrived at my dorm, I accompanying him to finished his cigarette and at sudden he said “is wana’s room empty? I need to sleep” and I said “yep.” So I opened wana’s room and leave him take a rest.

When I lay down on my own bed, he texted me again stated “r u continue ur sleep?” me: “no, just lay down and after this, wanna prepared my self to go work.” He called me “what r u doin? come here, I help you think about Uthi’s surprise party.”

You know, I have no idea what I thought few hours ago when I decided go to wana’s room and sit beside him.

And again, we kissed.

Until I write this down, I still have no idea what have i done before. Thought that I’m still tryin’ to hurt my self deeper than before.